my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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