I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
