Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize