Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
