Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
