if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
