He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
