We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize