she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
