Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
