Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
