Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
