Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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