saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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