but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
