i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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