I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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