i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
