Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
