It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
