dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
