That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
