So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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