it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
