Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
