Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
