you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Boobs speak an international language.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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