Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
