I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
