i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
