If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
