allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
