did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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