we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
