I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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