it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
