I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
