please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
