Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
