We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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