fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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