Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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