he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
