I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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