i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
