New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
