We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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