So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
