so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
