do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize