Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
