Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
