just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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