everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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