i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
