I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
