i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
