She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
