Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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