tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
