I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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