i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are two peas in an std pod
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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