I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
