Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He passed out mid-signature
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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