i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
