Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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