I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
