You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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