You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The beer is more important than you right now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
