I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
