that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I only lived at night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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