if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
