Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize