I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
bring money and cleavage
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
