I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
