I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
