see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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