having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
