i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Alive.
So much puke
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
