We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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