a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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