its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize