How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
