When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
