While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Less talking, more tequila
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
