So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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