last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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