dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I puked a lego.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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