Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She needs sedatives and a leash
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
