I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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